see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The police scanner is talking about you again....
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
