Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
