Ambien. No doubt about it.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
