Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
