Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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