Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
