with your own penis?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just googled if crying burns calories
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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