i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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