.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
