I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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