Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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