I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
