What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
