If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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