I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
