The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
