totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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