who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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