Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My liver just had a heart attack.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
