You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
