Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
