His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
