I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
