I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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