just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You made out with two different species that night
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
