Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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