And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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