take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
