Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
