When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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