My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
