thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
