Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
