So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
