I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
