I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
