ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
