I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I will be naked everywhere
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
