I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
