now i know why i became what i already was.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
