My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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