I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
