Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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