It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
