And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
