i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
