dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
