Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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