New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
honey bunches of taint.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
