when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
