you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
