you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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