When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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